A (Complicated) Story About Us

Umm how should I begin this story... Okay. It's all started on July, 2010. That was my first time entering high school. I met new friends, and also... him. Let's call him X. He smiled at me. A very charming smile. By that time, I could never take my eyes off of him. Since that time, we became close. We're not a bestfriend, but I can tell that he is one of my important friend. He's very nice, smart, loyal and I loved him. The problem is that... he had a girlfriend. She's not in the same school as us, but they were very romantic. Everybody can tell that they loved each other. And so... I gave up. I tried to forget him. And yes, I did.

2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 months passed... nothing special happened. But I don't know when did I start paying attention to him again. He... He's like... he's distracting me. OMG I really don't know why I had that feeling. He had a girlfriend. They loved each other. I loved him. It hurts.

Surprisingly, I don't know the exact time... but there was a rumor said that they are breaking up. You know, I'm not gonna be a hypocrite so yes, I was totally in heaven. I was very happy. It's like... 'Yay! This is my chance!'. And that wasn't only a rumor. That was the fact. They were officially breaking up. Okay.

By that time I realize... It's not right. This is not right. My feeling towards him, it's not right. I don't know why, really! So then I decided to forget him. We're friends. And in my life, friends can't be lovers. Friends are friends. Lovers are lovers. That's it.

I began with cutting my hair. Because I believe, cutting a long hair into a short one means to leave the past, and move on (I love my new hair anyway). And I tried to look at him as just as a friend, without any ulterior motive. I tried so hard. And I guessed I did that well...

But I was wrong. Again, that feeling came. I still don't know what to do... up until now. I don't want to ruin our relationship. He's a very very very good friend of mine... I don't want to lose him, just because this feeling. I can't be in love with him. That is my conclusion. But still, I don't know...